What is Clark Gable’s Thumb Doing in My Uterus?

Well, I don’t KNOW that it’s his thumb. But what other famous thumb would you think of? Remember “It Happened One Night” with Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert? The hitch hiking scene? When I saw the image in the ultrasound of my uterus that thumb is what I saw.

Let me back up. I was in the gynecologist’s office in an exam room, undergoing the gynecological equivalent of waterboarding. The doctor basically hooked up a fire hose and filled my insides with saline solution in order to get a better view of things.

I have some serious doubts as to whether or not the Geneva Convention would allow this procedure on prisoners, but never the less, my insurance company covers it.

So there I am, laid back, feet in stirrups, with the fire hose and camera-on-a-stick jockeying for position, while Dr. Gyno from Gitmo makes the inevitable clichéd statement, “You may feel a little discomfort now”. Ya’ think?!

Once my eyes stopped watering and I could focus again, I looked at the poor resolution picture on the screen they said was my uterus. The camera-on-a-stick moves rapidly, changing the image at a sea-sickening rate while the tech lady clicks dots on the screen that mean something to her.

That’s when I realized she had framed out a perfect thumb. Of course they say the thumb is a polyp and is probably not anything to worry about except that they want it taken out. For some reason I find that makes me a little sad. Not about having surgery – I’ll think about that later. But that little hitch hiker looks kind of pleasant and makes me nostalgic for old Clark Gable movies.

I wonder if get to keep it…….