I love helpful friends who know I’m trying to lose weight. They always say things like, “You can see it in your face.” First of all, it’s not true. What you see on my face is misery. From withdrawal. It’s been a month and no desserts, no candy, no biscuits and gravy. ARGH! I may have to kill someone!
Another reason that’s a bad thing to say: if I’ve lost 3 pounds and it all came from my face, what did I look like before? The Pillsbury Doughboy? Think of a five pound bag of sugar. If 60% of that was on my face I would have looked round.
Okay, my net loss really is three pounds. But one of them kept popping back on and I had to lose it again. And again. And again. The really sucky thing about that is that it kept coming back on days that I thought I had really eaten right all day. Like salads.
Salads are the work of the devil. You can eat a giant salad made up of tasty greens and doused in non-fat dressing and I guarantee you’ll be hungry five minutes later. Add a few traditionally acceptable ingredients, like a chopped egg, some grated cheese, a few bacon bits, some croutons, a few vegetables that actually have a taste, like avocado and you’ll feel satisfied. You also just gained two pounds.
I’m getting most of my protein from protein bars that have the texture and taste of an old tire. I’d love to eat meat but the calories in a teeny, tiny piece of steak, or rotisserie chicken, or even grilled salmon are huge. Then I end up having only 35 calories left for the last nine hours I’m awake that day.
And alcohol? You know when you’re miserable and crabby, sometimes a nice relaxing drink helps. But then there go your calories again. One night I had a protein bar and cheap white wine for dinner.
I wish I liked raw carrots. They take effort to chew and make a satisfying crunch. They are portable and cheap. But they taste nasty. Of course, you can cook them with butter and brown sugar and they taste great, but – duh! Okay, I have to stop writing and so chew an old tire.
