PWD (Pasty White Disorder) – the Scourge of the Menopausal and Overweight

There is this weird cosmic chicken and egg thing going on. Did I stop wearing shorts because I got fat or did I get fat because I stopped wearing shorts? I don’t guess it matters except that the end result is that I am now the color of typing paper.

And, as it turns out, that’s a health hazard. Apparently you should at least strive for beige or off-white. Pasty white means you are short on Vitamin D, the “sunshine” vitamin, of all things. And being short on Vitamin D can lead to bone loss, certain forms of cancer, and heart disease.

So instead of sitting in my car at lunch wolfing down a Bojangles meal, I should have been outside in the sunshine while eating something more nutritious. Now, following a blood test which confirmed the deficiency, I’m taking about a zillion units of Vitamin D for twelve weeks.

I’m still pasty white, but I just can’t be seen in shorts till I do something about the weight thing. Call me vain, but I refuse to go around looking like trailer trash, with pudgy white legs hanging out of shorts that also accentuate the dimensions of my derriere.

The good news is that apparently I’ve sunk as low as I can possibly get. Now I’m going in the other direction. I’m eating better, thinking about exercise (hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day), and taking a multi vitamin along with the zillion D’s.

In the meantime, I’m thinking of going for a grant to study PWD in America. Since I have PWD and live in Florida, I’m guessing it’s an epidemic in the northern states. But in my grant proposal I’m going to suggest the study be done in Hawaii.

Losing Weight Now Requires Advanced Math Degrees

I’m trying to lose weight and I’m doing it the old fashioned way – counting calories. But when did counting calories become so difficult? You now have to have an advanced degree in mathematics to be able to figure it out. For example, here is the following information on a box of Orville Redenbacher’s Smart Pop Kettle Korn:

Calories – 3 Tablespoons, unpopped – 140 calories
Calories – 1 cup popped, 15 calories
Serving size – 3 Tablespoons unpopped, makes about 7.5 cups popped
Servings per bag – about 2

First of all, who eats unpopped popcorn? So why do I care? But then let’s figure out those calories. On one line it says “amount per serving, 1 cup popped 15 calories”. But it says on another line “servings per bag – about 2”. But that was right after it said “serving size 3 Tablespoons, makes about 7.5 cups popped”.

So is it 15 calories per serving or 140? Are there 2 servings per bag or 15? If I eat the whole bag is that 280 calories or 30?

Compared to what you get at the movies, one bag is a very small serving so a half bag is nothing. But then my cereal considers a serving 2/3 of a cup of cereal with a ½ cup of milk. I can’t even put that into a cereal bowl without it looking empty. I have to eat it out of a condiment dish. Of course, then I’m hungry an hour later.

You have to be careful and not assume. That frozen dinner that looks like a serving for one is actually 2.5 servings. So is that small can of soup. You have to budget your day very carefully or you end up with a dinner I had last week – a protein bar and a glass of wine.