Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Have You Signed Up to Be an Ass Donor?


When I was young, the “uni-butt” look was the order of the day. You remember that? Girdles? They flattened and merged everything into a uniform backside. No definition.

Over the years as manufacturers became more and more clever in the use of Spandex, we evolved back into a two-cheek scenario, though still tightly bound up.

Well, now I’ve seen it all. You can buy a fake butt. Think of a padded bra, but for the derriere. Actually, it’s more like falsies that you insert into your jeans for a perky, more alluring shape.
With the obesity problem in this country I’m not sure who the candidates for this product are, but there must be a market for it. But at best that’s only a temporary solution.

I propose a more permanent answer – have an ass transplant. There must be millions of people who could be donors (go shopping at your local super store and you will see dozens of potential candidates). At the same time it’s making some behinds more shapely, it’s also taking pounds off the bodies that have more than they need.

We could also make it even easier. When you renew your driver’s license there could be an extra box to check. In addition to being an organ donor you could check the box to be an ass donor. Then even slim, shapely people could be donors when they don’t need their own any more.

It could even be considered “green”. The ultimate way to recycle.