Does Your Fitness Equipment Include a Kegel Barbell?

Yes, you read that correctly. I received a catalogue the other day from a normal company that offers a lot of good household products. They carry an array of items, from microfiber dish towels to cat litter box covers that look like furniture.

So I’m used to seeing innovative ideas that have turned into products, especially for the hard to please or the person who has everything. I’d say this fits that bill.

In case it’s been a long time since you gave birth, you may have forgotten what a Kegel exercise is. Named after someone named “Kegel” (boy, wouldn’t you like to have your name associated with this for all eternity), the Kegel exercise is designed to strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor.

Basically, exercises for your crotch. There are many good reasons to strive for fitness in that region. One good reason is to prevent your organs from falling out. Strong muscles are important for that.

Being fit “down there” is also good strategy for birthing so that you can push and do all that good stuff. Then there’s the logic that flabby muscles in that region are less capable of, shall we say, “having as much fun” as fit muscles.

But what I remember about Kegel exercises is that they are sort of like isometric exercises. You don’t look like you are doing anything, except that you have a pre-occupied look on your face as you are concentrating on the specific set of muscles.

That’s why I was surprised to see that someone has come up with a Kegel barbell. It actually looks more like a dog’s bone, and you can figure out for yourself how you use it.

Even if I believed in the concept I just don’t think I could get past the idea of actually ordering one, much less using it. Do you leave it lying about with your other fitness equipment? How do you explain it to anyone who asks?

There are just some products that don’t deserve to be sold.

Could You Be a Victim of CNBS?

You may not be aware of CNBS, but it apparently is not as uncommon as I would have thought. I received a diagnosis of it yesterday. Actually, the doctor called it something I can’t pronounce so I gave it the name of CNBS, or Chronic Numb Butt Syndrome.

Yes, there is such a thing. Apparently, following any kind of general anesthesia, you can end up with it, or something similar. What happens is like when your foot goes to sleep. You foot begins to hurt and since you’re awake you move around to relieve the pressure or whatever is pressing on a nerve.

With CNBS, you’re under the anesthesia, so when your butt goes to sleep you don’t know it and don’t move. So the numb butt feeling stays. And stays.

I didn’t realize it the first couple of days because I was on the pain meds and didn’t feel a whole lot anywhere. Then the problem with Elvis not leaving the building distracted me. In fact, I believed a Dick Cheney sized “Roid” was just pressing on a nerve and when that problem got resolved, I’d be fine.

Nope. This may be it. The pins and needles feeling may be with me for weeks, or months, or forever. In the scope of things, it’s not life threatening, so I really can’t complain. And even without checking, I suspect a numb butt does not qualify me for disability.

Mostly it’s annoying and I want to massage it to get the feeling back but you really can’t walk around an office massaging your own butt without raising eyebrows.

Like most syndromes, CNBS should have its own foundation. I’m thinking of founding one. The logo should be easy!