Could You Be a Victim of CNBS?

You may not be aware of CNBS, but it apparently is not as uncommon as I would have thought. I received a diagnosis of it yesterday. Actually, the doctor called it something I can’t pronounce so I gave it the name of CNBS, or Chronic Numb Butt Syndrome.

Yes, there is such a thing. Apparently, following any kind of general anesthesia, you can end up with it, or something similar. What happens is like when your foot goes to sleep. You foot begins to hurt and since you’re awake you move around to relieve the pressure or whatever is pressing on a nerve.

With CNBS, you’re under the anesthesia, so when your butt goes to sleep you don’t know it and don’t move. So the numb butt feeling stays. And stays.

I didn’t realize it the first couple of days because I was on the pain meds and didn’t feel a whole lot anywhere. Then the problem with Elvis not leaving the building distracted me. In fact, I believed a Dick Cheney sized “Roid” was just pressing on a nerve and when that problem got resolved, I’d be fine.

Nope. This may be it. The pins and needles feeling may be with me for weeks, or months, or forever. In the scope of things, it’s not life threatening, so I really can’t complain. And even without checking, I suspect a numb butt does not qualify me for disability.

Mostly it’s annoying and I want to massage it to get the feeling back but you really can’t walk around an office massaging your own butt without raising eyebrows.

Like most syndromes, CNBS should have its own foundation. I’m thinking of founding one. The logo should be easy!