October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month and women everywhere are getting mammograms and doing self-exams. A self-exam is supposed to be looking for lumps or changes. Well, my tatas have changed, but not in the way they mean.
For one thing they are now riding lower on my chest. Gravity in action yet again. I remember back in the old days when the “bra-less look” came out. The determining test to see if you could go bra less was the pencil test. You put a pencil under your breast and if it fell down, you passed and could go bra less.
These days you could put an eighteen wheeler under there and it would stay put on my chest. (Sigh.)
But I actually understand that. Gravity, weight gain, and old age. What I don’t understand is the apparent magnetic repulsion my tatas have for each other. By that I mean they are drifting further apart, which puts them nearly under my arms.
My bras these days are as much about uniting the girls as it is uplifting them. Both of which now require an industrial strength underwire to accomplish that. The story in South Florida, where women of a certain age are known to reside, is that the most common bra size is “38 long”.
My guess is that as the baby boomer, women’s libbers age, Maidenform and Bali will have to create a whole new line of bras with really long straps!
Very cute: but "much better than the alternative".
ReplyDeleteThis expression usually means better than being dead.
In the case of bras it means "much better than cosmetic surgery". Stay away from those surgeons' knives!
Ahhh - the day when the old boobies begun dugs. We all go through it. Just be happy if yours don't weigh as much as a one year old child. Try carrying THAT around all day and keeping a smile on your face. I personally believe that is one of the causes of us shrinking in stature as we "mature". The old spine can't possibly stand up to that without compressing. Tried tightening the straps to llift the girls up closer to where the used to sit all on their own. But you'd need a boat hoist for that. Why in the world would bra designers create DDD bras with elastic straps? Forget surgery as a solution. Tried it - now one points to the sky and the other looks forward. Reminds me of a cock-eye guy I used to date. Face it - life just isn't fair so you'd better have a good sense of humor! Thanks for the smile once again Kahka!
ReplyDelete