Sunday, November 15, 2009

Gravity is NOT My Friend


Everything is lower these days. When the braless look came out decades ago the determining way to see if you could go braless was the pencil test. If you put the pencil under your boob and it stayed in place, you were too big to go braless.

In those days I always passed the test. Nowadays I could lose a #2 pencil there for weeks and not find it. In fact if I had a concealed weapon permit I could easily carry a small revolver without the need of a holster.

But that’s not what really bothers me. It’s that now my ass would also fail the pencil test. What happened to that perky butt I used to have that you could serve tea on? Now it just hangs there like a flag with no breeze.

And losing weight doesn’t help. In fact, it seems to make it worse. It could be the eighth drawf – Droopy. It doesn’t quite hit the back of my knees yet but it’s edging closer.

I can’t afford surgery but I’ve come up with a plan. Next time I get my driver’s license renewed I’m going to check the box to be an “ass donor”. It’s right next to the box for “organ donor”. There ARE people who have very tiny butts and are in need of a transplant and it seems selfish not to share what I have in abundance.

I feel better already.

2 comments:

  1. Don't forget The Face. Just lay on your back, And you will look 10 year's younger. That's if your over 50 an gravity has let you down.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The positive in going braless ... when you take off your bra, all the wrinkles come out of your face! Gravity has its priviledges. :-)

    ReplyDelete