Well, it’s the new year and everything on TV and in the paper is about what I should or shouldn’t be doing. I SHOULD exercise. I SHOULDN’T eat carbs. I SHOULD have a check up on every major organ every six months. I SHOULDN’T sit in front of the computer so much.
Most of these messages are accompanied by some product or service that will help me in my quest for this new lifestyle. Some will even give me twice as much if I order it NOW!
The problem is, I’m 59 years old and set in my ways. I LIKE carbs and sitting at the computer. I DON’T like exercise. And as long as my organs are functioning, I don’t think I need a tune up that often.
But it’s the new year and we’re all supposed to make resolutions and then stick to them – for awhile, any way. And we get to feel so virtuous while we do it. A collective rebirth in which we all will be better people – for now. Then I’ll pass the bakery section at the supermarket and I’ll justify a purchase to reward my virtuousness.
The problem lies with the word “justify”. It allows me to do whatever I want as long as I can come up with a plausible excuse for doing it (and it’s legal). For example, back to the bakery. We’re having a cold snap and everyone knows you burn more calories in cold weather than in warm. Hence, I need a pie. (Don’t even try to quibble that it only applies if you are actually outside IN the cold for an extended period. Those are details best left unmentioned.)
Now I need to go. There is an exercise program on TV I need to watch and three donuts to eat while I watch it – hey, it’s freezing outside!
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